SO! In a desperate attempt to induce labor and get this baby out before Santa and his reindeer show, I made myself an enormous fresh pineapple-raspberry leaf tea milkshake last night and drank the entire thing. I did NOT go into labor. I DID, however, get terrible gas. (sorry to be so graphic, gentle readers, but in the interest of science and honesty and full disclosure and all, there it is. Poot.) I am having stomach cramps, from top to bottom, that can be WICKED painful, sometimes making me gasp out loud (fun to do in crowded shopping malls) and clutch my belly, and not only for dramatic effect. Are these contractions- the good, I'd-better-start-timing-these-suckers-kind? (Which presents a different problem altogether, who has a watch with a second hand on it, or even hands at all, I'd have to go back to 1997 to get one) Or is Mother Nature just screwing with me? (I hate you M.N. You are mean. Just for this, I'm using disposable diapers.)
Time will tell. But seriously, Isabelle. Get the lead out. There's only so many mawkish Holiday movies I can stand to watch. I want a different kind of holiday movie, something where the dog doesn't come back home, the mother keeps drinking, the father runs off with a cocktail waitress and everybody dies, like the end of Hamlet. Just once, wouldn't that be terribly refreshing?
You'll have to excuse me. Gradual effacement is making me tetchy. I'm going to go and eat every Christmas cookie in the house. Somehow, I feel sure that will help. Love you!
