Izzy's first fart joke

This entry is for my friend Bryan D. of Chicago, who requested more fart humor. I live butt to serve my readers. (Get it? Get it?? Butt? Aww, c'mon, be a sport!)



So one of the many surprises of new parenthood is that babies...err...poot just as loudly as adults! Who knew? Just now my little poop factory tooted so loudly she frightened the cats, who were napping nearby. My goodness, young lady! But I digress....as a fan of what my mother calls crude male humor, I can truly appreciate well timed, carefully crafted potty humor. Apparently, so does my daughter.



The other day, Izzy waited until I had just bent my head low over her diaper....and let out a rip roaring toot....right in my face! As I reeled back in horror, she said "aah!" and smiled, one of her first. Gotcha, Mommy! As disgusting as it was, I couldn't help but chuckle. Leave it to my kid.....the human whoopee cushion.....

Izzy, the human whoopie cushion

Sleep Deprivation Experiment, Day 37. (or, I miss my friend Jim Beam)

No more yakking! Please!

Phew. Dave and I were congratulating ourselves last weekend on how well we'd done this first month with our new baby. We figured we had this parenting thing down - no problem! Why, it's a piece of (diaper) cake! (You all know where this is going, right? I can feel you out there smirking in cyberspace.) This week has been a touch rockier...and Mommy and Daddy are just the tiniest bit frazzled.

The toughest day was Tuesday....when Izzy had vomited all down the front of me...twice...and then Maggie the cat started to follow her example...all over the house. By mid afternoon it was evident to me that Maggie was working on something much bigger than a hairball (she's a long haired cat and thus entitled to the occasional yak) and I was VERY concerned.

Of course, I only realized how bad the problem was AFTER the vet's office had closed for the day. By then Maggie had gotten sick all over the house (did I mention we have white carpets, inherited from the previous owners who evidently had no small children or pets?) wasn't eating and was uttering heartbreaking and pathetic little cries. Oh, I HATE it, HATE it, when one of my critters isn't well. It hits me right where I live.

I hadn't slept well for days 'cause Izzy is inconsolable if someone isn't holding her 24/7. Like many babies her age, if you don't hold her, she won't sleep. Now I'm happy to snuggle my munchkin and make her feel secure, but it does make it a teeny bit hard to get in all those frivolous luxuries, like sleeping and eating and brushing my teeth. Add to the mix nursemaiding a horkimg, howling feline and you have a recipe for tears- mine.

Thank God for the cavalry, in this case, my Momma, who arrived bearing a chicken for dinner, a big box of chocolate donuts (which would be gone by morning) and endless reassurances that Maggie the horking cat would be just fine. She put the chicken in the fridge, settled the baby in her lap and sent me straight to bed.

It's truly amazing what a two hour nap can do when you're at the end of your tether, so to speak.

At about two A.M. Maggie finally expelled the problem - yards and yards of what appear to be a shoelace- the kind you find in men's dress shoes. How and where she found that (and WHY she decided to eat it) will forever remain a mystery. (And yes, she coughed it up in a giant pile of sick on the white carpet, inches away from the more forgiving linoleum floor. Atta girl, Mags.)

But we don't care about the carpets (much) - our Maggie is back to health. She's eating like a champ, climbing into my lap (overtop of the baby) for snuggles and trying to scale the Christmas tree. (Yes, we still have it up - don't you judge me!)

Long story short, sanity and order have once more been restored to our little Kingdom. Izzy still won't sleep on her own, but you know what? Those late night infomercials can be DAMNED entertaining!

Maggie sez "shoelaces = delicious!"

So THIS is what happens to my spare change!

Has Jake been stealing from me in order to support his "nip" habit?

Baby, It's COLD outside!

"C'mon Rudolph- let's GO!"


When did I move to Siberia? According to all the morning newscasters, it's colder than a brass witch's... well...never mind...(though just once, wouldn't you LOVE to hear your local weatherman say it like that? Giggle, giggle...) They did mention, however, that any skin that was exposed for more than 10 minutes was at risk for frostbite- oo! Make sure you have your Fat Joey Knitwear scarves and hats on today! They come with Fat Joey's Guarantee to keep you warm as a kitten!






Fat Joey Knits. You know you want one!

In honor of it being such a godawful frosty day and the fact that with a newborn, I can't, in fact, occupy myself by drinking copious amounts of mulled wine and schnapps, I will turn to other comforts instead. Besides, Izzy got me up at 5 am, let me fortify myself with strong coffee and then promptly fell back asleep in her bassinette, leaving me staring down an enormous caffiene high. No fair, Iz!

Nothing left for me to do now but make soup! Not just any sorry old broth, mind you, nothing will do for today but my famous, delicious, once-you've -had -it -you'll -never -go -back -to -chicken, PEANUT BUTTER SOUP! That's right, I said PEANUT BUTTER. This is one of the first things I learned to cook, and love it or hate it....you'll never forget it!

It's actually a Cream of Peanut soup, quite civilized, but that name doesn't have the shock value of the other. But seriously, you should try this at least once...it is warm, rich, creamy and makes your house smell incredible. It's also fabulous cold the next day. And because I love all my readers so, here's the secret recipe, given to me by my mother, who got it from her friend Patsy Crichton, who got it from the Kings Arms Tavern, in Williamsburg, V.A.

INGREDIENTS

• 1/4 cup butter



• 1 cup finely chopped celery



• 1/3 cup finely chopped onion



• 1 Tablespooon flour



• 1 cup chunk style (In Fat Joey's Test Kitchen we like Jif Super Crunchy)



• 3 cans (13 3/4 oz size) chicken broth



• 2 cups heavy cream (told you it was creamy)

1. In hot butter in a 4 Qt. saucepan, saute onions and celery until tender, about 5 minutes

2. Remove from heat. Add in flour and peanut butter, stirring until peanut butter is melted. Gradually stir in chicken broth.

3. Bring to a boil; reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

4. Stir in heavy cream, heat for a few minutes longer.

5. Serve with a green salad and yummy bread. Revel in your culinary awesomeness. Enjoy!

1 Month Birthday!

Our little Snookums is one month old today! It doesn't feel like it's been that long AT ALL since I had her on Christmas Day....where has the time gone? Grammy and Pop-pop are coming over tonight for a spaghetti dinner in her honor. To commemorate Izzeroo's original debut, here are a couple of snaps.

I'm publishing this post, then I'm diving into bed for a (delicious! heavenly! ) nap. Don't care what anyone says, the breast pump, not penicillin, is the greatest invention of all time. Enjoy!

P.S. Took Izzy out to her first Mexican restaurant last night. And yes, she ate the worm!


Izzy at one day old. The infant in the photo on the right is me, at the same age.


My wide eyed girl at two days old.

Daddy and baby, just after delivery.

The Infanta

My (fairy) Godmother is an incredibly talented photographer. For proof, I offer up these little gems, Izzy and me at 3 weeks. This sweet close up of her dear face made me cry- my heart was so full. The third one made me cry because you can't see my fine lines or dark circles, and it wasn't even retouched!! (um...was it, Auntie?)

Oh, those chubby cheeks! (hers, not mine...)

Vintage Amethyst: *Pretty Mr & Mrs Garlands*

One of the most fun things about blogs is that you get to discover treasures that you would otherwise never come across. Vintage Amethyst is one of the prettiest blogs I've ever seen...but better still, it's connected to a shop, so you can acquire the things you admire. (Get it? Get it? I rhymed.) Here's what I fell in love with today...only 5 pounds (that's ten bucks for us Yanks) and completely sweet and adorable. Enjoy the blog- I'm going back right now to nose around some more!

Vintage Amethyst: *Pretty Mr & Mrs Garlands*

I've been married for 7 years...is it too late for me to order mine? ;)

More I Cannot Wish You....

One of the nicest things I could wish for all my readers out there is a village full of friends like mine. It's been one heckuva year for our little family. Last year at this time, Dave and I lived in an apartment in Philly with two cats. Fast forward twelve months- we've got a HOUSE, a BABY and 3 CATS!

House

Baby

Third Cat

I've gone from part time actress and office temp to full time Mommy and milk factory (the pay's not as good but the benefits are amazing!) I've also gone from someone who dreads functioning on less than 9 hours of sleep to someone who gets really, really excited about getting 4...all in a row! Ooo!



But one of the biggest things I've noticed about our year is how our friends and family have gathered around us, offering congratulations, support, love, diapers, dinner, baby sitting, shoulders to cry on, rides to the doctor's office, etc. We've been overwhelmed with good wishes and loving acts. And it's not just the usual fanfare that surrounds a first baby- people have done all of that for us and more. I can only surmise that we are surrounded by exceptionally generous, warm hearted, funny and gracious people. I'm touched far beyond my ability to express it and so happy that my daughter will be raised in this loving circle of friends.





* (I just have to laugh...as I was writing this entry, the mail came, with a delightful package from my Momma's friend Diana in England...she'd sent a piece of antique Wedgwood pottery from England for Izzy's collection...2 hours later my husband arrived from the office...laden with goodies for Izzy from his co-workers...mind you, these folks have already thrown us a baby shower....but they are still sending loot! Today Izzy received a Raggedy Ann doll and a hella cute tutu that I can't wait to put her in....oh, and my mother arrived bearing cereal (for me) and more baby wipes...thus proving my point....y'all are too much! Thank you for the thoughtful gifts, cards, dinners and loving wishes. My husband thanks you, my baby thanks you and I thank you!)

Part of my wonderful village

While Her Majesty Sleeps....

Apologies, Friends, for disappearing for a while. As you know, I popped out my first baby on Christmas Day, and even though she is an excellent nurser and generally an all around terrific baby, she is a lot of work! (My Momma always said, "They cute, but they a lotta work!" Touche, Momma, touche.)

So while Her Majesty sleeps, I'll try to piece together a blog entry, with all the news that's fit to print.

Today I indulged in a bit of online shopping. So far I've resisted the urge to buy Izzy a lot of things, since she's been receiving so many generous gifts from friends and family and I figure that she'd benefit more by me putting the money into her college fund. The strain of not purchasing her cute things has plagued me mightily, so when I read in my (many volumes) of baby literature that mobiles stimulate brain activity and get the little squirts ready for learning I was all too eager to whip out my Visa. Here's the mobile we bought today.....

I was tempted to skip the mobile all together, til my Dad told me how much I'd loved my own as a baby. He said I used to talk to the Raggedy Anns on mine like we were best friends. Aww! How could I deny Isabelle the same pleasure? So there you are, my daughter. I hope that your bears bring you many happy moments. Hey...did somebody just fill up a diaper? Oh my...whoever said that breast fed babies' diapers don't stink is a bald faced liar....back to work!


"Mommy...I've got something for you!"

Santa Baby

"So, you pull the sleigh and I'll give out the presents, OK?"

Christmas Day Baby

Just a quick post while HRH (Her Royal Majesty) is sleeping.....

Guess who showed up on Christmas Day? Susan Isabelle was born at 5:53 A.M. weighing 8 pounds 2 ounces and twenty inches long. She has slate gray eyes and a headful of dark hair and is (of course) the most beautiful thing I've ever seen....the second most beautiful thing being the doctor with my epidural....

More pictures and stories to come, I just wanted to pop in and tell you the news officially..she's out! She's out! And she's perfect! And sometimes she even sleeps! Woo-hoo! Love and luck to you all in 2011. May it be full of blessings of all shapes and sizes!