The Secret Diary of Susan Isabelle

MY DAY (written to her Grandparents who are vacationing in St. Martins)


By Susan Isabelle Holland


Thursday February 17th

Today I went for my very first walk in the stroller! There was so much to see! Jake the kitten got out of the house when Mommy took me outside. She had to chase him through the holly bushes and all around the yard. Then, when we came home, he got out again! Why was Mommy calling him "Jesus Christ?" I thought his name was Jake!

Then Mommy made a boo-boo. She was talking to Daddy on the phone while she changed my diaper. I was so excited to hear Daddy's voice that I started to pee. Mommy said "Oh, crap," and so I did - all over her hand and the changing table. Mommy said she's going Cuckoo. Where's Cuckoo? Is it near St. Martins?

Friday February 18th

I have been very busy today. For breakfast, I had milk. I nursed and nursed and nursed. Then I threw it up. On Mommy. Oops!
After that I decided to go for a long walk. Except I can't walk yet, so Mommy had to do it for me. We walked all around the house, again and again and again. Oh it was so exciting! Then Mommy had to put me down. She said she hurt her back. Poor Mommy. She really ought to rest more.

Daddy said we were having Company, so I had to have a bath. Oh, I liked my bath, it felt so warm and good. I felt so relaxed, I pooped in the tub. Then I got another bath! Hooray!

After my bath, I did not feel a bit sleepy. I wanted to be walked around the house again. Mommy and Daddy kept trying to cheat and sit down. I cried and screamed until they got back up and moving. I'm only trying to help. Mommy will never lose all that baby weight if she keeps sitting down.

Then Company came - hooray! Poor Mr. Ayres has even less hair than I do. I felt so sorry for him, I cried the whole time he was here. Company didn't stay very long. I wonder why?

Mommy says that I have been a Fuss Factory all day today. I don't know what she means by that. How can I be a Fuss Factory? I thought I was a little girl!

Dinner was more milk- my favorite! I nursed and nursed and nursed and guess what? I threw up again! Oops! Mommy shouldn't hold me so close to her face after dinner. She'll learn. Oh, and I peed my pants. But just a little bit. That hardly even counts. By the way, who's Jose Cuervo? Mommy keeps asking for him. Is he my Uncle?

VIDEO: Snow Blower Revenge

Is it mature? Is it petty? Maybe....but it's awful funny! ;)

You go see now

Oh, you've got to check out this link for yourselves. I don't know if it's actually real, but it's very entertaining, so who cares? And of course, animal lover that I am, you know which side I'M on.....Happy Monday, everybody!

http://wizardstimelordsandstarkids.tumblr.com/post/2822022225/two-churche

I just want to add, that if my pets aren't there, how is it heaven?

My Deep Dark Secret...

This post was inspired by the comment my friend left on a recent entry. For your reading pleasure, I've posted both her remarks and my response here. If you find yourself so inspired, you may leave your own deep, dark confession in the comment section. We'd never tell a soul.....

Hannah said...
So glad Maggie is back to her old self! How on earth did she swallow an entire shoelace? And where did you find the time to actually update your blog?? you are SuperWoman!!
January 31, 2011 9:25 AM

Hannah, I've been keeping a secret from you for a long time. I actually am....a Superhero. The whole Musical Theater thing was just a cover for my crime fighting, vigilante, -ss kicking lifestyle. I have a bat cave, an invisible jet and the ability to communicate with fish. (Not as useful as one might suppose.) My arch enemies include nasty baristas, cat haters and anyone who drives up the cost of knitting yarn. My kryptonite is (obviously) a good cosmopolitan. (or 3.) I have no other weaknesses. My mission in life is to rid the world of people who suck. Oh, my other powers include sarcasm, dry wit and smart -ssedness.

I hope you can forgive me for keeping this secret for you and leading a double life, but I only did it for your protection, as my honorary BFF For Life. I most sincerely hope that by revealing to you my long held secret, I have not put you or your family in jeopardy. My warmest regards to you and your family. I'm off now to perform yet another Superhero, Herculean task- nursing my infant daughter while knitting (stockinette stitch) By The Power of Greyskull and Up, Up and Away,
Love, Me