The Secret Diary of Susan Isabelle

MY DAY (written to her Grandparents who are vacationing in St. Martins)


By Susan Isabelle Holland


Thursday February 17th

Today I went for my very first walk in the stroller! There was so much to see! Jake the kitten got out of the house when Mommy took me outside. She had to chase him through the holly bushes and all around the yard. Then, when we came home, he got out again! Why was Mommy calling him "Jesus Christ?" I thought his name was Jake!

Then Mommy made a boo-boo. She was talking to Daddy on the phone while she changed my diaper. I was so excited to hear Daddy's voice that I started to pee. Mommy said "Oh, crap," and so I did - all over her hand and the changing table. Mommy said she's going Cuckoo. Where's Cuckoo? Is it near St. Martins?

Friday February 18th

I have been very busy today. For breakfast, I had milk. I nursed and nursed and nursed. Then I threw it up. On Mommy. Oops!
After that I decided to go for a long walk. Except I can't walk yet, so Mommy had to do it for me. We walked all around the house, again and again and again. Oh it was so exciting! Then Mommy had to put me down. She said she hurt her back. Poor Mommy. She really ought to rest more.

Daddy said we were having Company, so I had to have a bath. Oh, I liked my bath, it felt so warm and good. I felt so relaxed, I pooped in the tub. Then I got another bath! Hooray!

After my bath, I did not feel a bit sleepy. I wanted to be walked around the house again. Mommy and Daddy kept trying to cheat and sit down. I cried and screamed until they got back up and moving. I'm only trying to help. Mommy will never lose all that baby weight if she keeps sitting down.

Then Company came - hooray! Poor Mr. Ayres has even less hair than I do. I felt so sorry for him, I cried the whole time he was here. Company didn't stay very long. I wonder why?

Mommy says that I have been a Fuss Factory all day today. I don't know what she means by that. How can I be a Fuss Factory? I thought I was a little girl!

Dinner was more milk- my favorite! I nursed and nursed and nursed and guess what? I threw up again! Oops! Mommy shouldn't hold me so close to her face after dinner. She'll learn. Oh, and I peed my pants. But just a little bit. That hardly even counts. By the way, who's Jose Cuervo? Mommy keeps asking for him. Is he my Uncle?

Baby Watch 2010

SOOOO, with much anticipation I went back to my doctor's office yesterday. The verdict? After all the activity and tons of cramping (fun!) I am only 1 centimeter dialated. 1. FREAKIN'. CENTIMETER! Can you believe this? Well I can't!

I tried to be a good sport as they scheduled me for induction AFTER CHRISTMAS- oh no! I always imagined myself under the Christmas tree, bleary but happy, holding my sleeping infant on Christmas morning. Do you KNOW how many Santa outfits and Baby's First Christmas onesies we have in newborn size? Seven hundred. Exactly.

At any rate, if Snookums decides to be stubborn, we will be admitted next Tuesday night for induction (you're going to put a WHAT in my WHERE??) and she'll probably make her appearance the next day.

But I'm not taking this lying down. After my appointment, I did what any self respecting woman would do- I headed to the nail salon. Then, freshly maicured, I found the nearest Mexican place and started plowing down the salsa. We also tried (medicinally) red wine, pineapple and jalapenos. I did NOT have a baby last night. I DID have heartburn that allowed me to breathe actual fire.

Today I am newly resolved to coax my little daughter out of her nice snug nest. We're having raspberry leaf tea and fresh pineapple for breakfast. Then...we're going off roading. May your days be merry and bright! Happy (almost) Holidays to all.